Sweet Thang

Long before Kendall Hunter’s 18-yard run helped tie the game on Sunday I had seen it coming…that and much more. See, the final score in this non-sports-chic’s mind was 27-20 and I was so convinced by the game I watched, that I sent messages by any means necessary: i.e. BBM’s/texts/emails..a true modern version of  shouting something from the mountaintop and taunting any Giants fan I knew while I was at it!

For the longest time one of my best friends has been [silently] hoping that I would finally get into football/at least watch it semi-regularly so we would have just one more thing to add to our convo. Instead of messaging him, I called him ecstatic and proud might I add, that I knew the score and the 4th quarter highlights (the other 3 quarters were a blur). I was equally proud that his prediction was wrong and my mind was definitely doing the happy dance. But, I was kind of taken by surprise that he didn’t know the game was on and that none of his friends had looped him in. Ah mean, he takes “die heart sports fan” to another level!  He politely asked me the score, what time the game came on and told me he had to call me back as he needed to look into this further. This only widened my grin…I was officially a part of the “sports-world”. Wooo-hoo, and my messages continued. This time I messaged one of my brothers who is the biggest Niners fan I know. He was bound to be out celebrating, so for now a text would suffice I thought..I extended congratulations…he talked about the buzz in San Fran, but then a message from my best friend interrupted the celebration: “Don’t call anyone else. We need to speak asap”. Huh.

“K, the game you watched is a replay of a game when the Niners played the Giants last year, ESPN sometimes shows both teams in a previous game the day before game day-there was no schedule change…” sure I thought – great way to try and bring me down from my high. “The games are both being played tomorrow – as in Sunday…again, there was no change in the schedule…you are the only one I know who saw this game – well for the first time today, that is.” But I watched the game with my own eyes…they won..really they did. “Yup, they won that game…but the other game will be played tomorrow”. I think this is the time when I was supposed to shrink from embarassment but I couldn’t help myself from laughing uncontrollably. I called my brother and later found out that he thought my text was just me being excited that “we” had made it this far, and the expectation of what was to come. He too had a chuckle at my own “fumble” but appreciated my support.

Needless to say, we know how the rest of the story goes..and please know that I have never watched a game with such concentration as I did on Sunday–when it tied, I thought yup..stay in there. C’mon – don’t fail me now. OT came and  you would have thought  I had been watching football all season (well at least enough to know of  what is being referred to as the “Tebow effect”)…I started texting prayers, and then somehow my prayer was intercepted and someone else’s was answered. Game over. Messages flooded my phone and callers could not laugh any louder, but you would have to know me to know that if there was a takeaway from all of this, I was going to find it:

How much more would we accomplish if we took a screenshot of what life would be like if our dreams/goals were to come true? If we walked around convinced by what we saw, so much so that no one could talk us out of it?  Would we then walk around having exceeded our goals for the year on NYE, or at the least, closer to them than we would have been had we not found a seat on the sidelines somewhere trying to convince ourselves that anything and everything is indeed possible. reminder: it won’t take flight because of our thought only, but needs to be moved by our actions. With said screenshots in sight could this mean that I would have lost the 20 pounds that haunt me to this day…written my second book by now and accomplished (a few attempts at least) on a  vision boards worth of goals. I may not win – even in overtime, but I am guaranteed to be further ahead than I would have been if I chose to not see the possibility of victory in my future.

If I can invest this much faith and energy in a group of men I do not know and will more than likely never meet, then I will waste not another minute by doubting any part of my own skills and talent in the game of life.

PS: 2012 is my OT…so many others never made it to see January 23rd. How I handle this crunch time and guaranteed fumbles determines my victory party. Who knows…you over there-laughing at me, may make the invitation list. To be seen.

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Her story could be yours, continue here.

I recently met someone who had always dreamed of moving to North America and pursue her passion for the arts. One day ie. in this day and age, in the midst of  a looming recession and unemployment rates soaring to heights never before seen , she quit her job, packed her bags and got on a 10 hour flight to a land that spoke a language foreign to her own and a place where she knew no one.

Now this is easier done when you are an eager teenager or younger adult, not so easy when you have always lived in the comfort of your home country, surrounded by family and friends and a familiarity which makes life feel safe in spite of all uncertainties.

I looked at her a little surprised at how easy she had made the transition seem and how well she was adjusting 4 months into her bold step. When asked how she managed to mentally make this move what with all that is going on globally, her response: “We all have dreams don’t we…and I just wanted to try…i wanted to take a leap of faith and see where life would meet me. I just knew something would happen for me and if it didn’t at least I tried.”

If I decided to meet each new day with determination and desire to take bold leaps into the unknown inspite of all that is going on around me, I too, would discover what that something is that will happen for me…and you would too. Let’s test it and see.

PS: We don’t all have to quit our jobs and get on a flight to an unknown land if that’s not what life is calling us to do. ijs

Scene I!

You’re lying in bed, tears rolling down your face at the thought of what the possible outcome will be. How could you have been this stupid? What if  the outcome is even worse that you’re imaging it will be? What if you spend the rest of your life paying for this decision?

Scene II
You have hit the more severe end of depression. You have given up all hope and cannot find any real reason to move on. Medication is not really helping you and in therapy when asked what happened–where did the rug on your life get pulled, It’s traced back to not what actually happened but the illusion of what could have happened that drove you over the edge.

Cut!

Sometimes our fears speak so loudly that instead of being recognized as just the thoughts in our minds, they seem so real; paralyzing us into believing that we cannot and should not move forward. At times we fear what may happen while at other times we fear what we do not know: I need all the facts..all the information regarding the outcome before moving any. When we don’t get access to the hidden treasure, we hold our future hostage by our fear of completely handing over the reigns of control to a Higher Power and trusting that Source. Months/Years later we will still be sitting comfortably on our butts and our reasoning ahmm excuse will be “I was waiting on God to direct my path” which really should read “I was waiting on evidence as to why I should move forward..why I should pursue my dream..evidence supporting the notion that I will not fail..then and only then will I muster up the faith to set sail and trust the current.

It’s coming to the end of 2011 and as we look back at all that has not been, can we honestly say we’ve moved on our mustard size faith or can we see where our fears stole time and kept us from even trying to reach for those dreams? It’s still not too late and even if you fail you will begin 2012 more confident of this one thing: You are closer to accomplishing your goals than you have ever been! The moments of rejection or doors not opening are mere re-direction leading us to the path we need to be on to achieve our ultimate goal.

Won’t you give it one last try?

Meet Kyle Maynard…

Football player

Practices Martial Arts (lost his first 36 matches, but kept going)

Climbs Stone Mountain just for kicks

When not travelling the globe and scratching goals off his bucket list, he serves as a motivational speaker.

His unofficial message: Let go of fear and  embrace limitless thinking. Our only handicaps are the prisons in our mind.

In January 2012, Kyle, who happens to be a
Congenital Quadruple Amputee will set out on his next venture–climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

Kyle, your message is the perfect way to end the year. When we remove our crutches in life – What can’t we do? Only the things–we tell ourselves we can’t.

Chop. Chop. Let’s stop waiting for the ‘right’ time…the ‘right’ economy…better____, and in the words of our dear BFF Oprah, let’s just “start where we are”.

We have all been in that position…tired of hearing someone else vent to us about the same situation or equally bothering, play the role of victim to any range of situations that happen in our everyday. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we just need to get it out…but sometimes we take venting to another level. Not you of course. Then there are those ”dark clouds’ among us…think Debbie-Downer meets Monday morning blues.{You know, that phone number that shows up on your caller id and your first thought is..”oh no, I wonder what’s wrong this time and are my own levels of endorphins ready to handle the heaviness of this conversation”. Depending on how we feel – we either choose to answer or let it go to voicemail. Gotta love technology}.

What we don’t take into account though, is when there is role reversal and we become the pity-party throwers, calling anyone on either side of the globe who will serve as our Amen corner, indulge us in lengthy conversations mostly spent on validating why we’re right..why we have all reason to feel the way we do and (if possible) even add fuel to the blazing fire by siting examples of stories when people failed to make a less wise decision and the outcome was nothing short of tragic. If you are a seasoned PPT (Pity Party Thrower) you know to tell individuals different bits and pieces of the story, that way their response is empathetic and at the least biased, as they lack all the facts. And isn’t that what we do at times…we aren’t really interested in hearing an outsiders perspective serving as a wise sounding board so instead we subconsciously look for nods. Nor are we really trying to figure out where we fell short along the way. Accountability to the side, we at times really just want you (and anyone else who will listen)  – know how wrong ’they’ are, which makes us right.

Then there are the small group of family and  friends who listen and when they notice its past “venting point” and boiling at straight up “woe-is-me-ness”, they pipe up and say “let’s move past this-what’s your plan to move forward”, “As your friend I am doing you a disservice by enabling you to dwell in an uhealthy cycle. You have a lot to look forward to in the future, and I want to help you to get there”. If you are more like my very direct mother, her tactless twin, (or a handful of  straight shooters who save me from myself), your approach may be: “Stop your foolishness”. Spoken with love of course, and to that I say – you gotta know your audience and have that kind of connection.

Recently I was venting to a friend of mine when I repeated an oh too familiar scenario I had talked about time and time again. She listened and then asked a simple question:

“Are you sure it isn’t you?” crickets. And if you know anything about me, you would know I had a quick response filled with examples of  “the evidence” proving otherwise. Shortly after hanging up the phone, I gave serious thought to that question. Went a little further and wrote down the roles I played in the situation repeating itself and my reaction at times. A day later I called the other party I often complained about,  wth no hidden agenda other than to apologise for being less than my better self. In that simple act I feel like I have released the power that scenario has over me that was allowed to intensify due to the life I was giving it through the party I was hosting regularly in its honour.

Not only do I ask who has your ear…and what are they whispering in it, but the next time you find yourself in a tizzy and tempted to dance at the next PP/Pity Party, check yourself – “are you sure it’s not you”. We usually play a role of sorts in the events of our lives.

“You’re capable”, she spoke to her younger self. “You have to believe in yourself and your dreams”…and I agree.

Last night when Tatyana Ali accepted her award there was no confusing her with the young Ashley Banks from Fresh Prince of Belair. But if you were slightly distracted by thinking back to the cute little girl to the now beautiful and eloquent young woman – I completely see how that could happen.

Her message filled with potent nuggets of wisdom life had pulled from deep inside her, stole my full attention. Tatyana’s letter to ‘Ashley’, reminded us to know first ourselves and be deliberate in our intentions to achieve our lifelong dreams.

As I listened to all the introductions and speeches, the universal theme in the room was that there was no such thing as impossible. Simple, but true. What was even more gripping was that a young girl, or a few…or women our senior who we may never even meet are depending on you/on us to see our dreams through to fruition. This is way bigger than you…or me..or our immediate circle. The reach exceeds our limited understanding. 

Pick up your dream(s) and Continue on your journey…”take with you your courage”, as Tatyani urges. And as one of my best friends echoed in an email earlier, head out into the week knowing that you are stronger than ever. Because you are. #yourock.

Nothing gets me into my favorite cupcake shop and seeking out a table by the window for my thoughts faster than a heavy convo with  a sister-friend. I like to visit one of my favorite thinking places so that I can just digest what life has sent this way.

Over the years I have learned that our friends– our real friends who know our many unmasked layers, can only love us in their own unique way. We forget at times that the way in which we all communicate and function in relationships is a sum of our upbringing, our personality make-up and to some degree how we feel about people and where that friendship fits in our heart.

In my mind I have long sorted out each friend’s makeup and when in need I know who more or less to call for what. I don’t expect my girlfriend who is frank and direct to be overly warm and fuzzy nor would I expect the cheerleader type to give me her complete and direct thoughts on what I am telling her. If its uber personal then I wouldn’t put my girlfriend with verbal diarrhea in the tough situation of trying to keep a big secret. Not only do I think its unfair to expect from friends that which is not a part of their make-up, but I also think when we’re hurting the most or experiencing an emotional need we at times roll all our issues into one. Oh, gotta love Estrogen! Step back from the computer and unwrap yourself from the emotional situation that has you wound up. Take a serious look at your circle of friends…Your girlfriends in their own way care for you and love you. You matter to them. Now, if you seriously don’t believe that they do, why exactly have you surrounded yourself with people who could care less about you?

Now we have all over extended ourselves to people before. Some are our close friends, others a story that touched our heart and moved us into being the Good Samaritan. We have also been the one on the other side of the story, trying to climb over our own mountains and feeling a little neglected by those closest to us. “How is it that when everyone else needs something I am always there. When I need someone/something, its not reciprocated?”

The harsh response to that is, someone is there, just probably not who you would have expected. The even more tough pill to swallow is that when we extend kindness to others, we’re doing it based on how we’re emotionally wired. Our friends are not mirror reflections of our emotional wiring and though I do believe in emotional deposits and withdrawals being somewhat balanced in relationships, I also believe that deposits are personalized. (side note: I also believe that deposits and withdrawals are not made by the initial recipients. Your kindness though makes room for good karma). Look a little closer–don’t you see at least one person making an effort to send you a warm embrace when you need it? It could be as simple as a text with a joke to get you out of your funk or as deep as a heartfelt letter or email. Either way the messages remain the same: I see you & I care.

Caution: When invites to your girlfriends talk-of-the-town soiree, house warming, baby shower and wedding start filling mailboxes-all but yours, don’t get bent out of shape and end the friendship because of the sting felt from being left off the guest list. And yes, we have all seen this happen. We are all human, but before letting your emotions speak or act, think on what one of my very frank male friends once said…Like any relationship there are two people involved and each person views the friendship differently. Someone may be your confidant and closest friend and to them you may be someone they enjoy being around but not in their inner circle.  There may also be other factors you are not aware of. That does not disqualify them from being a friend. In many lives we ourselves play many different roles. In some we are the planter, some friendships we are there to water and help someone grow and in others we reap the benefits for seed we didn’t plant. Our respective roles are intertwined with those who cross our path. Treasure them and remember that the wealth of our friendships is undeniably one of our greatest strengths.